no killings so far...

but I really, really, don't wanna go to school tomorrow. Over the weekend, I kinda slipped back into the "vacation" frame of mind. On the other hand, I really love being a sophomore. I'm a total nerd, I know, but I'm excited for what we're gonna learn in history. I love history! And I'm excited for my creative writing class. I'm just excited in general. The fact that there's a whole grade below me, trying to learn what I already know is pretty darn cool. The freshman are sooo little...it's kinda funny! And I worked out twice this weekend, once on Friday and once today. I would have done Saturday too, but I got lazy. Unfortunately, I kinda pigged out this weekend. I was just craving sweets so much! So I bought some lollipops and some cookies, even though I'm trying not to eat that junk anymore. Oh and I had a soda on Thursday :( That was probably not the best idea, but oh well. I can't take it back. Anyone have any tips to not give in to cravings? If so, let me know!

first day

So the first day of my sophomore year was today. For the first time of my life, I have a top locker! Hopefully that's an omen. And I got into this creative writing elective I wanted to take. I seriously think my English teacher from 9th grade pulled strings, cause it's super hard to get into, but still. I'm happy! Bad news: I didn't get into Drama like I wanted. They stuck me in choir. Hopefully that class won't be a total waste. And I have the math teacher I had last year, except for Geometry instead of algebra. I guess that's good, but I don't know. My best friend's in that class, but we probably won't sit together. With my luck he'll probably make me sit next to someone I hate. It's first thing in the morning too. I'm not sure how I feel about that. At least I'll get it over with early. Funny: My Spanish 2 class is the same period and teacher as my Spanish 1 class last year. And my other BF is in it! (that's best freind, not boyfriend.) So is my bgf. anyway, all in all, a good day. I'm actually looking froward to my classes tomorrow!

much better mood today...

Because I did 5 miles on a stationary bike! Woo Woo! And sit-ups and free-weights! I'm so proud of myself for doing 5 miles, I've only done 5 once before. I'm totally high on the endorphins right now. Much better then a sugar or caffeine high, because there's no jitters and no crash afterwords. And my Dad totally came through for me today. I had to go to the doctors again to get blood tests done, which is pretty much number one on the list of things I hate doing. Needles are seriously evil, I swear. Anyway, my Dad took me there, and came with me into the room were they take blood. Having me there calmed me down a whole lot. Honestly, he looked like he was more scared of the needle then I was! That made me laugh, and then it was just over. I felt this huge sense of relief when it was over. I think waiting for something you don't like to happen is worse then actually going through it. Then when it happens, your just like, oh, was that it? That was easy! Other examples of this: algebra finals, cross-country plane rides, and job interviews. So, after the blood test, we went to this really amazing brunch place. I had the best eggs Benedict of my life, and this really good watermelon iced tea thing. Not exactly constructive for losing weight, but I didn't even care. I was hungry! They make you fast before you can do blood tests. I'm glad i worked out though. I probably didn't burn it completely off, but still. baby steps!

I feel really fat right now...

So I went to the doctors today. Yeah. Begin rant now. I actually went it because I had a question about something else, but of course she brings it back to my weight. I mean, I'm actually pretty overweight and I think probably obese at this point, but I don't particularly enjoy being reminded of that, you know? My doctor is pretty nice, though. she talks to me about getting my weight under control, then talks to my mom, then sends us to see this nutritionist person. so she asks us a bunch of questions about our eating habits, then gives us a bunch of pamphlets about eating healthy. It actually was pretty helpful, but still. Now I'm depressed, and I feel fat as a freak. God, I am fat as a freak. Actually, it's not the doctor that really made me depressed, because I found it rather helpful, but it's the fact that life would be easier if I was skinny. And it's also because I don't like being so unhealthy. Okay. rant over. Anyway, now my mom is yelling at my dad over the phone. "did you know your daughter was at the doctors today!" "Did you know she's obese and it's all your fault?" Yeah. I hate my life

Two followers! hell to the yeah!!!!

Blogging gets a lot more fun when it's not just a glorified journal entry. Today two followers, tomorrow the world... Okay, maybe not, but still. I highly commend you for running, Sydney. I personally hate running with every fiber of my begin, but maybe that's just me. I seriously think it's all those miles they make you run in junior high. Running around a track in baggy shorts with a bunch of kids watching you is enough to make you hate it, trust me. Anyway, today I made this amazing potato casserole thing for my family. the recipe was out of one of Julia Child's cookbooks, which my mom and I bought after watching Julie and Julia. If you haven't seen this movie yet, drop whatever your doing, grab your mom and/or your best freind, and go see it. As I was saying, the dish was delicious, but extremely calorific. Normally I would feel guilty about eating something like that, but you know what? The fact that I cooked something yummy without burning down the house makes me feel proud of myself, and the pride completely trumps the guilt. Guilt is so overrated.

yay!!!!!!!!!

Dude!!!! A follower!!!!! Thanks, Olive! And I worked out today, so I'm happy. sit-ups, free weights, and 3 miles on a stationary bike. It felt so good, even though I was dripping sweat after and there are a lot of really cute guys at my gym. Including this REALLY hot guy from my school. Whom I've embarrassed myself in front of several times. Yes, I ran and hid in the bathroom when I saw him. I'm so brave, huh? Well, anyway, I'm proud I've myself for working out. Now all I need to do is improve the eating habits. Easier said then done, particularly since grocery shopping is not the main priority around here, I mean, we always have food, but it's not very organized, and whenever my dad goes grocery shopping, he always gets what he wants and ignores everyone else's wishes. It drives me crazy sometimes. Like, is it so hard to talk to your daughter for five minutes about what she wants to eat? Okay, sorry. Off topic. anyway, I'm gonna eat like a total pig for the last few days of vacation and enjoy myself, and then when school starts I'll make a healthy eating plan and stick to it! I recommend you do the same, pronto

wow

this is amazing. 0 comments, 0 followers. Don't all crowd to this blog at once, guys! Okay, I guess it takes time to get supporters. I would know. So I'm reading this amazing book. It's called Big Fat Manifesto, and it's about this fat girl who writes for her school newspaper on what it's like to be fat. Only she's bigger then me-I can still ride on airplanes fairly comfortably- but she's healthier then me. Even though she's healthy, people still judge her and make fun of her. Sound familiar? Anyway, it's a great book. Another thing I've been reading lately is Seventeen Magazine. Some of the stuff in there is fun to read and even helpful, but some of it is just sad. The average largest pants size is a 13. The top sizes are a little bit better, but still. Oh yes, there are larger sizes, but you have to either shop online or go to a store like Torrid or Old Navy or Lane Bryant. Now, I have nothing against either of these things, but dang it, I wanna shop at stores like Forever 21, Hollister, American Eagle, Wet Seal, and Abercrombie and Fitch. You know, like a "normal" teen girl does? Hey teenage clothing stores! Is it so hard to mass-produce stuff that's bigger then a size 13? It's not like you can be woried about exploiting the people who make your clothes, because there all either made in China or Bangladesh, and the working conditions can't be too hot. I don't know. Mabye I could manage to shrink myself down to a size 13. Not entirelly impossible, cause my Mom's a 12. But it's hard to exsersise every day, you know? Okay. Thats it for now. Mabye I'll have one follower by wednesday

Just a small town town girl...

But I'm not. I actually live in a pretty big city. Don't wanna say were yet, but I will tell you my age. I'm 15. I'm also 5'5 and 225 pounds. I go to a great high school. Too bad everyone talks about me behind my back. They call me fat, ugly. I hate it. It makes me feel so depressed. But just so we're clear, I'm not suicidal or a self-cutter, I swear. I'm just angry. I'm sick of only being able to wear Old Navy jeans because they are the only one's that fit. I'm sick of being judged before I open my mouth. Is there anyone else out there like me? If there is, let me know. I want to change things. The industry, the way people see beauty. But I also want to loose a little weight so I don't have a heart attack at 50 or something. Maybe someone can help me with that. Anyway, mabye this blog is the first step. To acceptance, happiness, to change.