hi all

god I'm tired right now. It's hard to have a job and school! But it will all be worth it when the paychecks start coming. I really hope I get to go to Europe this summer. If I do, that's gonna be so much fun. One of my coworkers friends did the program I wanna do, and she said that it was awesome. Hopefully that works out ok. I don't work tomorrow, which is good, cause I really gotta hit the gym. I hate to say this, but I haven't worked out in two weeks. I don't know why, but I've just been really unmotivated lately. I'm gonna try to get back on a healthy routine tomorrow, though. I'm already looking forward to it, which is kind of strange, but I'm just gonna go with it. Weirdest thing ever: My Spanish teacher goes to my gym. I've already ran into her in the locker room twice (we were both dressed, thank god) but it's the most awkward thing in the world! I hate seeing teachers outside of school. I never know what to say. I'm just like "oh...hey." and then i walk away. Awkward!Anyway, I'm gonna go because my mom just turned on the tv and I can't concentrate on anything when it's on. Bye!

all hallows eve

So usually Halloween is kinda down on my list of holidays, but this year I'm actually kinda looking forward to it. Me and my friends are going trick-or-treating (I know, we're so mature) and then we're going to this dance party downtown. It's gonna be a fun night! I just gotta improvise a costume. I had one for today, because we had a Halloween party at school, but it kind of...ripped (don't ask). Anyway the Halloween party was fun in a dorky, school function kind of way, but I was in a really crappy mood. There are so many bitches at my school! Pardon my french, but it's true. I really don't see how being overweight stops you from being a person. IT DOESN'T MATTER, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! It's whats on the inside that counts. And the worst part is, the teachers are either totally oblivious to the crap I have to endure, or they just don't care. God. I hate school sometimes. Life would be easier if I was tiny and petite and cute, but it ain't gonna happen. But I'm gonna have fun tomorrow, and no one can take that away from me.

new post

Another peice
No Longer Daddy’s Little Girl
“I can’t believe you’re being so impossible!” Mark Thomas glared at his daughter Kristen.
“What, Dad? What exactly am I doing that has you so upset?” Kristen shouted.
“You’re attitude, for one! I’ve never herd you talk back to me like this. You’re clothes, for another. You’re dressed like a damn slut. Is this what you wear everyday? No wonder you get sent home so much.”
“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing? All the girls at my school dress like this!”
“I don’t care what the other girls at school do. I care about what you do.”
“Like hell you do!” Kristen‘s face turned bright red and she tried to storm out of the living room, but her father grabbed her arm and held her back. She yanked her arm out of his grasp and ran upstairs to her room. Mark followed her. She tried to slam the door in his face, but he managed to get into the room.
“Kristen, you’re going to talk to me in a polite tone of voice. I don’t care what it takes. You’re not leaving this room until you talk to me,” he said.
“What do want to talk about, Dad? Because I’m listening, believe me,” the young girl said.
Mark took a deep breath. “I just don’t understand what’s gotten into you, sweetie. Why have you been so difficult lately?”
“It’s a girl thing. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I understand more then you know, young lady. And I know that hormones don’t cause you to rebel.”
“What if I’m not rebelling? What if I’m just acting how I’m meant to act? You never answered my first question, by the way. What am I doing that has you so upset?”
“A million things! Where to start? And were did you get those clothes? And that makeup? That is not appropriate makeup for a girl your age.”
“You forgot to say that I cut more classes then I attend, I cheat on tests, and I’ve started smoking again,” said Kristen mockingly.
“I can’t lecture you about smoking. I think that’s my fault. I should have never introduced you to cigarettes. I should have quit when you were born.”
“Well, you didn’t so if you’re done lecturing me, I could really use a cigarette.” Kristen pulled out a pack of cigarettes and selected one. Her father grabbed it out of her hand and threw it on the floor.
“You will not smoke it front of me, young lady. God, you’re horrible! Where did you pick up these bad habits, because it certainly wasn’t from me?” Mark looked at his daughter in disgust.
“You just said it was all you fault!” Kristen shouted.
“I did not. I said, that it’s my fault you smoke,” said Mark. “But you must have picked up the rest of your behavior on the street.”
“Well, maybe I’ll just go live on the street!” Kristen pointed at her window. “Okay, then, I’m out. See you later....or not.”
“Kristen, STOP.”
Kristen whirled around. “Wow, you decided to use the angry voice. I’m so scared. Bye.” She made a second attempt to leave.
“Kristen, if you walk out that door, I swear to you I will….”
She whirled around again, still angry but also on the verge of tears. “You’ll what? You can’t make me do anything. Face it; you have no control over me anymore. You lost it the day Mom left. Well now I’m leaving. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Mark shook his head. “You’ve already lost most of my trust and respect. Do you really want to loose my love too?”
Kristen looked into his face, and for a moment, her tough façade crumpled and she looked like an innocent, sad little girl again. So she opened her mouth and spoke the two most long-overdue words that she had ever said: “I’m sorry.” Then she walked out the door. Mark hung his head.

a peice of my work

Hey, so this is one of the pieces I wrote for my creative writing class. Tell me what you guys think!

The teacher was talking about something, but Samantha Hunt couldn’t hear her. She sighed, twirling her hair around her pale fingers. She longed to be alone in her single dorm room, away from the twenty odd teenagers that made up her tenth grade Geometry class.
After Geometry, which was her last class of the day, she walked straight to her dorm room without stopping to talk to her friends. Usually, their company was one of the only things that made her smile, but today she just wanted to be alone. She was also going to be late for her drama club meeting, but she didn’t even care. It was a sunny and bright day, but Samantha’s pale skin didn’t tan and her dark hair didn’t get blonder, which made her stand out from the perpetually tanned, blonde people around her.
She finally made it to her room. It was small and held a single bed, a desk, a dresser, and a bookshelf. Posters and pictures took up every inch of the wall. Her favorite posters were the ones for the bands Paramour and The Black Eyed Peas, a poster for the movie Titanic, and posters of her favorite places, San Francisco and New York. There were also pictures of her sisters and her old friends, whom she didn’t talk to anymore but still loved. She walked over to her bed and lay down on her stomach. She reached into the crack between the bed and the wall and pulled out her well-worn copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and a bag of Hershey’s Kisses. She knew the candy was bad for her, and the book wasn’t going anywhere, but she couldn’t make herself stop. She wanted to delay the moment were she would have to start thinking for as long as possible. The comforts of the candy and the book helped for about an hour, but eventually the sadness won and Samantha started to cry. Her entire body shook, but she still managed to pull the picture of her parents out of the pocket of her jeans. She held the picture in front of her face and stared at it. The picture had been taken in front of her family’s old apartment building in San Francisco, two days before the plane crash.
After awhile, the tears stopped, and Samantha felt ready to talk to someone. She pulled out her phone and called her older sister Laura. It was only noon in California, were Laura was a student at UC Santa Cruz, so Samantha knew her sister would be at lunch and be able to talk. Sure enough, Laura answered on the first ring.
“Hey Sam.”
Her kind, sympathetic voice almost made Samantha want to cry again. God, she missed her old life. She missed waking up in her comfy double bed on a Saturday morning, walking into the kitchen and smelling freshly baked blueberry pancakes. The food at boarding school sucked in comparison to her dad’s cooking, and she wasn’t used to the food in Connecticut. The only thing that felt familiar was junk food. She missed hearing her parents banter at one o’clock in the morning when she was trying to sleep. She even missed her bossy oldest sister Robin. She missed all of it, but she would never have it again.
Swallowing her tears, she said to Laura, “I’m so sad.”
“What’s up? Did something happen, or is it just everything?”
“It’s everything! I miss seeing you every day.”
“You realize that if things were still normal, you wouldn’t be seeing me anyway, right? I’d still be at collage.”
“Yeah, but still. It’s hard. I wish…”
“I know. Me too.”
After an hour of using up her long distance minutes, she felt much better and ready to face the world again. Her sister had given her strength to leave her hiding place, and the fact that she was late for her meeting gave her motivation. Samantha had a big life, with big plans. She had faced some obstacles, but they wouldn’t stop her. She got up from the bed and ran outside, dropping the picture of her parents on her desk.

I'm not dead

Sorry, about the absence, I was abducted by aliens. lol just kidding. But that sounds a lot cooler then the truth:I'm too damn lazy to update my poor blog. Maybe if I had more then TWO followers (love you guys to death, but it's getting ridiculous) I would be more motivated. Or maybe It's the fact that homework is kicking my fat ass. seriously, the homework load in tenth grade is no joke! but I'm back, and I'm gonna try to be more frequent with the updates, even though that's gonna be kinda hard because :drum roll please: I got a job! Shelving books at the library for minimum wage! Woo! Hey, work is work, especially these days. I have big plans for that money, too. I found out about this summer program in England that I REALLY wanna do. I've always wanted to got to England, and my mom says that if i go she'll pick me up at the end and we'll go to France and Italy too. But it's expensive, so I have to pay for at least half of it myself. I better start shelving a lot of books! anyway, in other news, schools going as well as school can go, I guess. Geometry sucks, but what can you do? But my creative writing teacher pulled me aside the other day and said my writing is as good as published work. That was a total ego boost! I think I'll post some of my work for you guys to read. More soon

I'm sorry!!!!!!!!

For not writing for so long!!!! I'm totally out of the loop, and I know it!!! Lot's of stuff has been going on lately.....
You guys know that new ipod that apple just made? The one that shoots video? Well I have decided I can't live without it. I took my mom to the apple store on Friday, and showed it to her. She said that if i get all A's and one B in geometry, she'll buy it for me! Hell to the yeah!!!!!!! But the problem is, I'm physicly incapable of getting good grades, at least in Math and sceince. I just can't understand these subjects, no matter how hard i try. but screw that, I'm gonna try harder because I need that ipod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried out for my school play. I was in it last year, so I thought that my chances of getting in this year were pretty good. And of course, because this is how the universe works, I didn't get in :( I was really upset for about a day, but then I realized that it might be for the best because I need the extra time to study more so I can get better grades. Another thing that cheered me up was that almost all of my friends tried out with me, and only one of us got in. And he hates his part. It probably would have taken me a lot longer to get over it if my friends had all gotten parts and I hadn't. I'm kind of the jealous type!
So, that's a very brief overview of what's been going on with me lately. Now I'm gonna try to calm down and start on this major bio assignment that's due Tuesday. I'm going out with a freind later, so If I don't at least start it now, I'm screwed!

will someone please help me kill my Spanish teacher....

For showing us a documentary about food in Mexico???? Know all I can think about is a burrito. With nachos on the side. Ag. Anyway, I got an a+ on my English quiz!!!!!!! I'm super happy about that. I'm actually doing well in all my classes, except Geometry. I'm sorry, but is math really going to get me anywhere in life? Other then doing taxes and figuring out your tip at a restaurant, I don't think so. So why do I need Geometry????????????? Anyway, this morning there was this really big thunder storm, which is really rare for were I live. It freaked me out soooo bad. I hate thunder, but I can't deal with lightning! I always get convinced the house is gonna get struck by lighting and I'm gonna die. Not a fun thing to go through on a Saturday morning!

my day with dad...

So as you all can probably tell from previous posts, my dad and I don't really see eye-to-eye. But we actually had a really fun day together yesterday. It all started yesterday at about 10AM. I woke up to a friend's text. It was my freind Chantal, whom I was supposed to go to the movies with that day. Of course, because this the way my life goes, she canceled. And it sounds really immature, but I was really upset about it. I wanted to go to the movies really bad! I mean, it's not like I never go to the movies. I actually go way to much! But I was so set to go! Maybe I was just craving popcorn, who knows. Anyway, I start crying. And not like, just a few tears, either. I'm bawling! So while I'm acting like a five-year-old, my Dad, who is admittedly way out of his league, comes into my room and is like, "I know you're disappointed, but that's just how life goes sometimes." And since I really don't wanna stay home all day, I'm like "hey dad, wanna go for a walk?" So we do, and we have a great time! We walked far too. Like maybe two miles. My city is on the ocean, so we walked down by the water, and occasionally we stopped in one of those stupid tourist stores and made fun of tourists. and then we had pizza. which was like the cherry on top. It was good pizza! Anyway, I felt less like a loser when I got home. I don't know. Do you guys think it's lame to hang out with your parents?

stuff

yeah, it's been awhile. Sorry! I've had a lot on my mind. I've been having really bad mood swings lately, but turns out it was just pms. Anyway, I just ate some non-fat cottage cheese and berries, which was a really good healthy snack. Almost as good as ice cream. Almost. When you don't have ice cream in the house, you tend to not think about it, which is good. Anyway, I'm sorry to report that school is already stressing me out and it's only the second week :( I already failed a geometry quiz :( Seriously... WTF? And I have a Spanish quiz tomorrow, and a English quiz on Tuesday. Agh!!!!!!!!! To many quizzes!!!!!!! I'm also worried because there's a flu outbreak at my school, and one of the cases was confirmed swine flu. But they're not gonna close the school down because we've all already been exposed, so there wouldn't be any point. Well that's just great. I love knowing that I've been exposed to an infectious virus, and the school is doing absolutely nothing about it. Anyway, I guess it's also just being overweight thats been getting me down lately. It's like I can't walk down the friggin hall at school without someone making fun of me behind my back. In class, no one wants to work with me. It's like fat is contagious and they are all afraid that they'll catch it if they get to close too me. My school is full of a-holes, seriously. Even my so called friends make fun of me sometimes. Well, not my really close friends, but some of my other friends. Thats kinda how you tell who you're real friends are. See who makes fun of you and who doesn't. Anyway, rant over. Bye for now.

no killings so far...

but I really, really, don't wanna go to school tomorrow. Over the weekend, I kinda slipped back into the "vacation" frame of mind. On the other hand, I really love being a sophomore. I'm a total nerd, I know, but I'm excited for what we're gonna learn in history. I love history! And I'm excited for my creative writing class. I'm just excited in general. The fact that there's a whole grade below me, trying to learn what I already know is pretty darn cool. The freshman are sooo little...it's kinda funny! And I worked out twice this weekend, once on Friday and once today. I would have done Saturday too, but I got lazy. Unfortunately, I kinda pigged out this weekend. I was just craving sweets so much! So I bought some lollipops and some cookies, even though I'm trying not to eat that junk anymore. Oh and I had a soda on Thursday :( That was probably not the best idea, but oh well. I can't take it back. Anyone have any tips to not give in to cravings? If so, let me know!

first day

So the first day of my sophomore year was today. For the first time of my life, I have a top locker! Hopefully that's an omen. And I got into this creative writing elective I wanted to take. I seriously think my English teacher from 9th grade pulled strings, cause it's super hard to get into, but still. I'm happy! Bad news: I didn't get into Drama like I wanted. They stuck me in choir. Hopefully that class won't be a total waste. And I have the math teacher I had last year, except for Geometry instead of algebra. I guess that's good, but I don't know. My best friend's in that class, but we probably won't sit together. With my luck he'll probably make me sit next to someone I hate. It's first thing in the morning too. I'm not sure how I feel about that. At least I'll get it over with early. Funny: My Spanish 2 class is the same period and teacher as my Spanish 1 class last year. And my other BF is in it! (that's best freind, not boyfriend.) So is my bgf. anyway, all in all, a good day. I'm actually looking froward to my classes tomorrow!

much better mood today...

Because I did 5 miles on a stationary bike! Woo Woo! And sit-ups and free-weights! I'm so proud of myself for doing 5 miles, I've only done 5 once before. I'm totally high on the endorphins right now. Much better then a sugar or caffeine high, because there's no jitters and no crash afterwords. And my Dad totally came through for me today. I had to go to the doctors again to get blood tests done, which is pretty much number one on the list of things I hate doing. Needles are seriously evil, I swear. Anyway, my Dad took me there, and came with me into the room were they take blood. Having me there calmed me down a whole lot. Honestly, he looked like he was more scared of the needle then I was! That made me laugh, and then it was just over. I felt this huge sense of relief when it was over. I think waiting for something you don't like to happen is worse then actually going through it. Then when it happens, your just like, oh, was that it? That was easy! Other examples of this: algebra finals, cross-country plane rides, and job interviews. So, after the blood test, we went to this really amazing brunch place. I had the best eggs Benedict of my life, and this really good watermelon iced tea thing. Not exactly constructive for losing weight, but I didn't even care. I was hungry! They make you fast before you can do blood tests. I'm glad i worked out though. I probably didn't burn it completely off, but still. baby steps!

I feel really fat right now...

So I went to the doctors today. Yeah. Begin rant now. I actually went it because I had a question about something else, but of course she brings it back to my weight. I mean, I'm actually pretty overweight and I think probably obese at this point, but I don't particularly enjoy being reminded of that, you know? My doctor is pretty nice, though. she talks to me about getting my weight under control, then talks to my mom, then sends us to see this nutritionist person. so she asks us a bunch of questions about our eating habits, then gives us a bunch of pamphlets about eating healthy. It actually was pretty helpful, but still. Now I'm depressed, and I feel fat as a freak. God, I am fat as a freak. Actually, it's not the doctor that really made me depressed, because I found it rather helpful, but it's the fact that life would be easier if I was skinny. And it's also because I don't like being so unhealthy. Okay. rant over. Anyway, now my mom is yelling at my dad over the phone. "did you know your daughter was at the doctors today!" "Did you know she's obese and it's all your fault?" Yeah. I hate my life

Two followers! hell to the yeah!!!!

Blogging gets a lot more fun when it's not just a glorified journal entry. Today two followers, tomorrow the world... Okay, maybe not, but still. I highly commend you for running, Sydney. I personally hate running with every fiber of my begin, but maybe that's just me. I seriously think it's all those miles they make you run in junior high. Running around a track in baggy shorts with a bunch of kids watching you is enough to make you hate it, trust me. Anyway, today I made this amazing potato casserole thing for my family. the recipe was out of one of Julia Child's cookbooks, which my mom and I bought after watching Julie and Julia. If you haven't seen this movie yet, drop whatever your doing, grab your mom and/or your best freind, and go see it. As I was saying, the dish was delicious, but extremely calorific. Normally I would feel guilty about eating something like that, but you know what? The fact that I cooked something yummy without burning down the house makes me feel proud of myself, and the pride completely trumps the guilt. Guilt is so overrated.

yay!!!!!!!!!

Dude!!!! A follower!!!!! Thanks, Olive! And I worked out today, so I'm happy. sit-ups, free weights, and 3 miles on a stationary bike. It felt so good, even though I was dripping sweat after and there are a lot of really cute guys at my gym. Including this REALLY hot guy from my school. Whom I've embarrassed myself in front of several times. Yes, I ran and hid in the bathroom when I saw him. I'm so brave, huh? Well, anyway, I'm proud I've myself for working out. Now all I need to do is improve the eating habits. Easier said then done, particularly since grocery shopping is not the main priority around here, I mean, we always have food, but it's not very organized, and whenever my dad goes grocery shopping, he always gets what he wants and ignores everyone else's wishes. It drives me crazy sometimes. Like, is it so hard to talk to your daughter for five minutes about what she wants to eat? Okay, sorry. Off topic. anyway, I'm gonna eat like a total pig for the last few days of vacation and enjoy myself, and then when school starts I'll make a healthy eating plan and stick to it! I recommend you do the same, pronto

wow

this is amazing. 0 comments, 0 followers. Don't all crowd to this blog at once, guys! Okay, I guess it takes time to get supporters. I would know. So I'm reading this amazing book. It's called Big Fat Manifesto, and it's about this fat girl who writes for her school newspaper on what it's like to be fat. Only she's bigger then me-I can still ride on airplanes fairly comfortably- but she's healthier then me. Even though she's healthy, people still judge her and make fun of her. Sound familiar? Anyway, it's a great book. Another thing I've been reading lately is Seventeen Magazine. Some of the stuff in there is fun to read and even helpful, but some of it is just sad. The average largest pants size is a 13. The top sizes are a little bit better, but still. Oh yes, there are larger sizes, but you have to either shop online or go to a store like Torrid or Old Navy or Lane Bryant. Now, I have nothing against either of these things, but dang it, I wanna shop at stores like Forever 21, Hollister, American Eagle, Wet Seal, and Abercrombie and Fitch. You know, like a "normal" teen girl does? Hey teenage clothing stores! Is it so hard to mass-produce stuff that's bigger then a size 13? It's not like you can be woried about exploiting the people who make your clothes, because there all either made in China or Bangladesh, and the working conditions can't be too hot. I don't know. Mabye I could manage to shrink myself down to a size 13. Not entirelly impossible, cause my Mom's a 12. But it's hard to exsersise every day, you know? Okay. Thats it for now. Mabye I'll have one follower by wednesday

Just a small town town girl...

But I'm not. I actually live in a pretty big city. Don't wanna say were yet, but I will tell you my age. I'm 15. I'm also 5'5 and 225 pounds. I go to a great high school. Too bad everyone talks about me behind my back. They call me fat, ugly. I hate it. It makes me feel so depressed. But just so we're clear, I'm not suicidal or a self-cutter, I swear. I'm just angry. I'm sick of only being able to wear Old Navy jeans because they are the only one's that fit. I'm sick of being judged before I open my mouth. Is there anyone else out there like me? If there is, let me know. I want to change things. The industry, the way people see beauty. But I also want to loose a little weight so I don't have a heart attack at 50 or something. Maybe someone can help me with that. Anyway, mabye this blog is the first step. To acceptance, happiness, to change.